Haley Myers
1 praise: I think your intro is well-worded and that you have some solid ideas to support your thesis. I especially think your idea to promote field trips and studying abroad as a way of learning outside the classroom would be very beneficial to students, and you used Freire and Percy’s ideas to support it well.
1 constructive: Maybe try to incorporate Percy and his ideas in your intro/thesis to show how it will relate to your ideas. (ex. the idea that Percy thinks learning is most effective when students willingly go out on their own to learn and get the true experience).
Use of Percy: I think the quotes you chose will greatly support your essay. This quote, “Our complex friend stands behind his fellow tourists at the Bright Angel Lodge and sees the canyon through them and their predicament, their picture taking and busy disregard. In a sense, he exploits his fellow tourists; he stands on their shoulders to see the canyon” will especially support Percy’s idea that when people go to experience things for themselves for the first time, they are too busy taking pictures and capturing the moment instead of really soaking in and appreciating the experience they’re having.
