Praise: Your thesis is supported well by your body paragraphs, and you also do a good job of showing examples of your main ideas throughout your body paragraphs.
Constructive: your topic/ opening sentence for your first body paragraph could be stronger. It should state the point you are trying to get across in that paragraph and not just state a fact.
Percy: I feel overall your initial draft is strong and Percy would support your ideas. You do a good job of comparing and contrasting with his ideas.
