Positive: Good idea using the class we’re writing this essay on as an example of what should be done rather than what shouldn’t be, it relates to the reader.
Negative: Decent Thesis but try to implement either Percy or Freire, this way it’s understood that the essay will focus on their writings.
Use of Percy: I think you should probably include Percy somewhere in your work, granted this is a draft but it’s beneficial to include his quotations and concepts as a means to have your reader better understand your focal points.
