Constructive:
- You addressed the problem in your intro; however, you need to address the opportunities or solutions that the community invests in allowing students to further their studies. The sentence starting with ” as a criminal justice major” is your thesis and should be your first sentence of the intro and then go into the details you talked about. Next explain how the community can further studies in the 4 topics you will talk about.
- I would say, “I believe Freire is suggesting that…”
Praise:
- Your ideas to promote community interaction to further one’s studies provide clear evidence of how the community will help one in the future work force. I really like how you focused on Criminal Justice and see the community as the biggest victim to it.
Percy:
- You explain Percy’s quotes very clearly. I think you should find different ways to transition into the Percy quotes and begin the analysis of the quote differently instead of saying ” I believe”
