Gwen Jordan, Makayla Medycki, Maura Kelly
Constructive: I think you should move your thesis before you first sentence and get straight to the point and then explain it in your intro in which the first sentence does. If I’m right I believe the sentence starting with “taking credits” is your thesis. I feel two of your solutions are 1 of the same.
Extra Feedback: In addition, I think you need to expand on the connection to Percy and identify how these outside-major classes promote students, like why would this help a student more than their major classes? Getting more experience in other subjects and gaining outside knowledge are similar in that you gain outside knowledge from experience in other subjects so I would merge the two together and create another solution.
Praise: Overall, I think the ideas you created for education beyond the major are going to help your essay flow well and they are very clear solutions. For gain of outside knowledge talk about how it gives them more opportunities for careers because one will have background in other curriculars to add to resume.
Percy: I think your second quote goes really well hand in hand with understanding of others to work in different situations.
