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October 2019 – Page 2 – Weekly Writing & Blogs

Peer Review for Lauren’s Team

  • Praise: I think that your thesis and your supporting ideas work well with each other
  • Constructive: I think your points could be more specific/more in-depth
  • Use of Percy: Your quotes are good for general use, however I think it would also be good for your group to try and fine quotes that more specifically relate to your topic

Peer Review on Jasons team

Praise: The use of subpoenas to better help your thesis and your well worded thesis in general.

Constructive: Going more in depth in your thesis to describe your point of view and how you plan on showing this throughout your essay.

Use of Percy: The quotes work well with your thesis.

Shawn Harris Peer Review

Praise: I think I can see exactly how your opening paragraph ties into topic 2 and I think you’re headed in the right direction

Constructive: The first sentence could be worded a little better and it could help to expand on your thoughts just a little bit more.

Percy: All your quotes will support your ideas and I like how the quotes explain themselves and also have deeper meanings

Commentary on topic proposal for Ava Hill

Positive: Good choice to include Freire right off the bat, just make sure to apply his writing where it’d work best.

Negative: The only issue I see with this is if the students aren’t motivated or have a lack of incentive to truly discuss with one another.

Use of Percy: As mentioned before you want to be able to apply Percy and Freire to your analysis of teaching without teaching, I’d recommend writing out what you have, then read over the essay, pick where you’d think each quote would work best.

Commentary on topic proposals for Grady Leonard

Positive: Excellent wording, you could start to dig into the reasoning with the students by perpetuating the idea that not visiting the community is an offense.

Negative: While this is a good idea, involving students within the community I think (For a analytical piece) you should delve into why there’s a lack of participation.

Use of Percy: Right here is a perfect stepping stone for your essay, it can demonstrate how students may leave their mark on a place and then have no desire to return to it, or it may deter others from doing so

Peer Review Nick Gamba’s Group

Praise: This is a really thought out thesis that you can take in many directions and expand into a really well written paper
Constructive: I feel that this would fit better into topic 2 rather then 4 because its being outside of the daily classroom routine but there are still some form of teacher involved
Percy: Great use of quotes, these can be used to back up the ideas you write about very well

Peer review Shawn Harris

Praise: I think this is a great thesis statement which you can branch off of in many ways and write a really good paper about
Constructive:The last quote has me a little confused on how it could fit in right now but with it actually involved in a paragraph it could work
Percy: I think most of the quotes fit really well with the thesis

Michael Tresoikas proposal review

praise: I like the sub.-points because they are very true. Your sub-points will go well with your quotes and you will have a lot to write about

constructive: I think you should expand on your thesis. it is very broad and very long.

Percy: I think your quotes have will go well with your thesis. over all everything sounds like it. will blend together

Nick Gamba’s Team proposal review

praise: I think you picked Really good quotes. your thoughts go along with your quotes. 

constructive: I think that you should do topic 2 over topic 4. it sounds like you are more confident with topic two than writing topic for sounds a bit hesitant. 

Percy: These quotes can be used really well in your essay. Just make sure to get the page number from when it was from.

Peer Review of Nicholas Nolan

Group Members- David MacMullen, Seamus Corkery, Haley Clark

Praise: Good point saying that it is important to focus on courses related to one’s field of study.

Constructive: Try to introduce a solution to your thesis statement

Percy: The quotes you picked from Percy’s Writings are exactly what you need to support your thesis.

Peer Review Bella Bedore

Praise – The idea and sub points are strong and will have a lot of support from the writing.

Constructive – I cannot tell what is the thesis and the sub points you have to make an argument out of.

Percy – Quotes from Percy are strong also has quotes from Freire.

Julia DiGiorgio

Praise- lots of detail is seen in your thesis. Good work, just work on adding a transition sentence.

Constructive- good sub points. work on expanding on these ideas. how are you going to challenge students? how are students going to be given new knowledge?

Percy- It is now apparent that as between the many measures which may be taken to overcome the opacity, the boredom, of the direct confrontation of the thing or creature in its citadel of symbolic investiture, some are less authentic than others.

Peer Review on Amanda’s Team

Praise: Your supporting ideas are very good and I’m interested to see what other ideas you may include.

Constructive: Your thesis is too “fluffed” I feel. If you shorten it and get to the point sooner it will be better.

Percy: Your second quote from Percy is very strong and can be used well to support your thesis.